Therapy for Relationship Avoidance

Online therapy for Arizona, Colorado, Florida, and New Mexico residents, with licensed therapist in Tucson, Jacob Gotwals, MA.

Have you been avoiding close relationships?

Do you feel lonely, isolated, and emotionally disconnected?
Are you tired of trying to be happy and fulfilled without enough close relationships?
Have you been afraid of being emotionally dependent on others?
Have you been avoiding committing to long-term relationships?
Do you tend to be overly suspicious and have trouble trusting others?
Do you tend to be emotionally distant or aloof, even in close relationships?
Do you tend to withdraw from others when you’re stressed?
Is it hard for you to open up and share your feelings (even when you want to)?
Is it hard for you to express affection?

If so, you may have an avoidant attachment style.

If so, you may have an avoidant attachment style. People with an avoidant attachment style value independence and self-sufficiency, but have trouble relying on others for support.

This can make it hard for you to form close relationships, and can lead to problems with loneliness and isolation.

Therapy can help you overcome relationship avoidance.

If you have an avoidant attachment style, I may be able to help. Therapy can help you develop a more secure attachment style, in which you’ll be able to form deeper, more meaningful connections with others and experience more trust, intimacy, and fulfillment in your relationships. You’ll be able to express your feelings and needs more openly and seek support from others when needed.

How I Can Help

In therapy with me, we will explore the possible origins of your avoidant attachment style and identify any attachment issues from childhood that need healing. We will design imaginary ideal parent figures that are just right for you, who can give you the love and validation you need (that you may not have received from your childhood caregivers). I will lead you through guided imagery visualizations in which you’ll imagine you’re a young child having positive, healing interactions with these ideal parent figures. Your ideal parent figures and I will provide support as you process any emotions that come up.

Over time, you will gradually internalize the supportive, loving qualities of these ideal parent figures; this will help activate your mind’s natural capacity for healthy relationships. We’ll also explore issues that arise in your current relationships, and I’ll help you learn skills for improving communication and increasing empathy, mutual understanding, and trust in these relationships.

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Frequently Asked Questions

Your attachment style is the way you relate to your partner in a close relationship.
You may have developed an avoidant attachment style (also known as a dismissive-avoidant attachment style) based on your early childhood experiences, your relationships with your parents or caregivers, and your natural predispositions. Your parents may have been emotionally distant, neglectful, or rejecting, leading you to suppress your relationship needs and become self-reliant. Independence, self-sufficiency, and emotional restraint may have been overemphasized by your parents or in the culture where you grew up. You may have had traumatic experiences of loss, abandonment, or abuse during childhood which interfered with healthy relationships. Or, you may simply have a predisposition to be independent and emotionally self-contained.
The ideal parent figure approach to treating attachment disturbances was developed by Daniel P. Brown, an associate clinical professor of psychology at Harvard Medical School.